After I went out to get him set up for the day and headed to work, I was in my work bathroom changing into my uniform. I usually get to work fairly early so I generally have the bathroom to myself and having been former Army, having kids, and a major surgery for my bone tumor, I have no qualms about changing in that bathroom in the open. I mean it's not like I'm streaking...it's just changing from street clothes to my ABU's, but it's a 180 from what I was like in high school and the pure terror I felt changing for gym because I was embarrassed of my weight and my boobs, which came in large and in charge at age 12.
So there I was...feeling about 90% healthy, halfway into changing, and it happens...."Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard comes on the radio. If you don't know the true power of this song to get you moving, you must experience it at least once. I start dancing...because I felt healthy, because I was flashing back to when I wore teased Aquanet hair and ripped denim jeans, because the music and joy was in me. I was dancing there....in my blue jeans and bra....loose, stretch marked belly skin slightly hanging over my waistline....my body, with all it's scars and imperfections, just feeling the joy of the music and the moment.
And I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Now there have been times in my life where the sight on myself would make me stop dancing...would make me start to look at my flaws and take away my joy. Today was not that day....in that moment, I realized I was a masterpiece. Physically and mentally, my body has done amazing things...made babies, healed from surgical and emotional trauma, pushed itself to exhaustion, held my babies, loved my husband....this body.
It always saddens me when I see women tearing away at themselves through comparisons with other women. Each of us have a body unique to ourselves. Some of us are thin,some are thick. Some muscular, some soft. A wide range of colors, an infinite collection of exquisite uniqueness. All beautiful.
I remembered being that girl that was terrified to change for gym class and in that dance this morning, I think she healed.